A little sad, disappointed but I feel that things would be better this way.
Basically, Hong wei and I broke up on last thursday, it's my decision.
Had been thinking a lot, taking from many points of view from my friends, thought it through for many times, don't want to do somethings that I will regret badly. In this process, I've been neglecting my studies for three weeks but everything is almost back in order.
Some major thought that went through my mind...
I was feeling very tired of putting in the effort and in the end all I got is just words of "I Love you" from him. Felt that he's taking things for granted and doesn't knows how to show appreciations, or maybe he know's just because of his pride he keeps it away. Told him many times about how I felt but seems like things don't goes into his mind and make him think, make him stand in my shoe. Cuz the very next day, things goes on like usual. I tried standing in his position and wonder what's hindering him so much to really give in to me sometimes. Loving one does not only talks just about love, care and concern, trust and truth, many other factors affects loving one and being loved. It takes two hands to clap, and I totally feel that I'm always searching his hand to meet mine.
Had a chat with him for a few times, I know he can't take it, can't move on but I really hate it that he has to wait till he lose it then he start trying to put in the effort and save this relationship. Doing things that I always wanted him to do, started thinking and all. And the day before, he then told me that my friends ain't that bad afterall, since the day he talked to him on what can he do? Does that mean he always have doubt of me going out with my friends? Always wanted him to know my groups of friends but he is always busy with his group of friends that some how I'm always hanging with them till I lost my friends. Just recently, he told me why he didn't like to go out with me and my friends cuz he felt left out when I'm with my friends. So I was thinking does he knows how I felt being with his friends for the first few times. I was always trying to get his attention so not to feel bored and make him guilty, also spicing up things around us. So after hanging with then more, for sure I'll open up to them. Thus tell me how to juggle boyfriend and MY friends when it's the first few time they meet or rather the first time they meet? Now trying to get my friends back, Hard time manz.
Recalling some of the hurting messages that he once sent to me, I tried to brush it aside but it still lingers in my head most of the time. Those moment that he sent me those, I was wondering till the day we ended, did he thought through what he meant in those messages? Did he think on how I would view the message? How would he feel if I were to send him those messages? How would it affect the way I feel for the relationship? All the time, he only try to save it after a week or two when he realised how crude those messages were. Wished that he would be able to give in just that little, sometimes.
Well, apart form those emo-ing, I am really happy about things that we have been through in the first year of the relationship.
We are friends, but how well did I draw the line and how well he view and abide to the line is another factor. Hope he does not screw up the second chance of walking the road of life with me as friends.
Yeap that's that. I'm pretty fine working hard for my run and studies!! Year three already, still thinking if I should go to Wheelock collage which have a month attacthment over at Boston (very tempting) rigth below my current study block.
Loves lulu~
I will be there when you need me.
Let me walk with you.
Obliging, I assure.
Vent your anger I'll be patient.
Entwine with love and never part.
Yearn to stay by your side every moment.
Odyssey we shall path through.
Uniquely I've said my words.
Let me walk with you.
Obliging, I assure.
Vent your anger I'll be patient.
Entwine with love and never part.
Yearn to stay by your side every moment.
Odyssey we shall path through.
Uniquely I've said my words.
